1 00:00:11,250 --> 00:00:14,850 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah 2 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,450 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah 3 00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:25,770 ♪ When you left me all alone 4 00:00:25,810 --> 00:00:28,730 ♪ At the record hop 5 00:00:28,770 --> 00:00:31,610 ♪ Told me you were going out 6 00:00:31,650 --> 00:00:34,450 ♪ For a soda pop 7 00:00:34,490 --> 00:00:37,410 ♪ You were gone for quite a while 8 00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:40,250 ♪ Half an hour or more 9 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:43,090 ♪ You came back and man, oh man, 10 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:46,010 ♪ This what I saw 11 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:48,930 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 12 00:00:48,970 --> 00:00:51,850 ♪ Told a tale on you 13 00:00:51,890 --> 00:00:54,730 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 14 00:00:54,770 --> 00:00:57,650 ♪ Said you were untrue 15 00:00:57,690 --> 00:01:00,490 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar 16 00:01:00,530 --> 00:01:02,930 ♪ You and I are through 17 00:01:02,970 --> 00:01:08,330 ♪ Cos lipstick on your collar Told a tale on you 18 00:01:08,370 --> 00:01:14,610 ♪ Boy, told a tale on you, man Told a tale on you, yeah 19 00:01:14,650 --> 00:01:16,930 ♪ Told a tale on you. ♪ 20 00:01:16,970 --> 00:01:19,250 PROJECTOR WHIRR 21 00:01:24,130 --> 00:01:27,010 "New Yorkers in the rush hour. Eight million people in a hurry." 22 00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:30,170 "The first civil defence exercise pulls them up." 23 00:01:30,210 --> 00:01:33,210 "The streets soon become deserted." 24 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:36,050 "SIREN" 25 00:01:38,410 --> 00:01:41,170 "Trading on the Stock Exchange stops." 26 00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:45,170 "With a scare like this on, no wonder." > 27 00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:52,090 "Children get a break from class... 28 00:01:52,130 --> 00:01:59,770 ..to get a more vital lesson about self-preservation during atomic warfare." 29 00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:04,810 "I am unhappy to conclude the hydrogen bomb should be developed." 30 00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:10,490 "We should not intentionally lose the armaments race." 31 00:02:10,530 --> 00:02:14,570 "To do this will be to lose our liberties." 32 00:02:14,610 --> 00:02:19,450 "With Patrick Henry, I value my liberties more than I do my life." 33 00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:30,290 ↑ SHOUTING AND MARCHING 34 00:02:34,610 --> 00:02:37,090 Bumholes. 35 00:02:45,570 --> 00:02:48,370 Bumholes, say I -... 36 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:50,410 ..in the plural. 37 00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:58,170 I conjure up for your delectation... 38 00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:03,490 .. the image of row upon row of bare arses. 39 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,530 A whole choir stall of them, eh? 40 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,850 Eh? 41 00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:16,410 Ah, I see. No-one interested in my state of mind at this bright morn. 42 00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:22,570 (SIGHS) Now, why is that, do you think? 43 00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:27,850 Do you consider, perhaps, that I'm being provocative? Is that it, eh? 44 00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:29,890 Eh? 45 00:03:31,650 --> 00:03:36,370 Or boring, even? Have I become a bore without even knowing? 46 00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,970 (SIGHS) 47 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:49,890 (THINKS) 'Boring? Boring!' 48 00:04:06,650 --> 00:04:08,010 Keen, are we, Hopper? 49 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,410 Yes, sir. 50 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,290 Keen and eager? > 51 00:04:12,330 --> 00:04:14,810 Yes, sir! 52 00:04:24,410 --> 00:04:27,850 ♪ THE PLATTERS: "THE GREAT PRETENDER" 53 00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,970 ♪ Oh yes, 54 00:04:31,010 --> 00:04:34,530 ..I'm the great pretender 55 00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:35,850 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 56 00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:40,850 ♪ Pretending that I'm doing well 57 00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:42,530 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 58 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:44,810 ♪ My need is such... 59 00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,210 ..I pretend too much... 60 00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:53,810 ..I'm lonely, but no-one can tell ♪ 61 00:04:53,850 --> 00:04:55,770 ♪ Oh, yes, 62 00:04:55,810 --> 00:04:59,170 ..I'm the great pretender... 63 00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,650 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 64 00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:05,290 .. adrift in a world of my own 65 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,770 ♪ Ooo-ooo-ooo 66 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:09,610 ♪ I play the game... 67 00:05:09,650 --> 00:05:12,730 .. but to my real shame... 68 00:05:12,770 --> 00:05:17,050 ..you've left me to dream all alone ♪ 69 00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:45,250 Look, Corporal - drum music. 70 00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,810 Yeah? 71 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,770 Yeah. See? Can't you read it? 72 00:05:55,970 --> 00:05:58,010 You know bloody well I can't! 73 00:05:58,050 --> 00:06:00,010 Nothing to it, look:... 74 00:06:00,050 --> 00:06:02,370 .. bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit. 75 00:06:05,650 --> 00:06:07,210 Very shaggin' funny. 76 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,570 It's good, innit? 77 00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:10,210 Less noise there! 78 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:12,250 (BOTH) Sir! 79 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,530 Bumholes. 80 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,770 Sorry, sir. 81 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:56,850 Now what is it, Hopper? 82 00:06:56,890 --> 00:07:01,690 Krasnaya Zvezda - I mean, Red Star, an article in Red Star, sir. 83 00:07:01,730 --> 00:07:03,330 What's it say? 84 00:07:03,370 --> 00:07:06,770 Um... "Army footballers must play better." 85 00:07:06,810 --> 00:07:08,090 Hopper... Sir? 86 00:07:08,130 --> 00:07:12,370 What have you got between your ears? Use your bonce! 87 00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:14,530 I've got enough bumph! 88 00:07:14,570 --> 00:07:17,810 But, sir, I was told to translate ev... 89 00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:20,330 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 90 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,370 Sir? You...? 91 00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:34,890 Bumholes. 92 00:07:34,930 --> 00:07:37,090 Yes, sir. 93 00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:48,730 (Bum tit-tit, bum tit-tit.) 94 00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:50,770 (Shut up!) 95 00:07:59,050 --> 00:08:02,370 'Am I asleep or what?' 96 00:08:02,410 --> 00:08:05,090 'How d'you tell for sure?' 97 00:08:06,930 --> 00:08:09,010 'Christ, what a dump!' 98 00:08:11,370 --> 00:08:15,290 'Roll on. Roll... on.' 99 00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:25,370 ♪ Boo-wah-ba, boo-wah-ba 100 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:28,370 ♪ Boo-wah-ba Do-do-do-do-do-do 101 00:08:28,410 --> 00:08:29,730 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 102 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,090 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 103 00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:32,330 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 104 00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:33,850 ♪ Do-do-do-do 105 00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,490 ♪ Earth angel, 106 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:37,610 ..earth angel... 107 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:40,930 .. will you be mine? 108 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:43,530 ♪ My darling dear, 109 00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:46,690 ..love you all the time 110 00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:50,050 ♪ I'm just a fool... 111 00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:53,010 ..a fool in love with you 112 00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:54,530 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 113 00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:56,050 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 114 00:08:56,090 --> 00:08:57,170 ♪ Boo-wah-ba 115 00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:58,770 ♪ Do-do-do-do-do 116 00:08:58,810 --> 00:09:00,210 ♪ Earth angel, 117 00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:02,610 ..earth angel... 118 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:04,650 .. the one I adore. 119 00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:09,050 ♪ Love you forever... 120 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,850 .. and ever more ♪ 121 00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:15,290 ♪ I'm just a fool... 122 00:09:15,330 --> 00:09:19,370 ..a fool in love with you 123 00:09:24,810 --> 00:09:28,170 ♪ I fell for you... 124 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:30,210 .. and I knew... 125 00:09:30,250 --> 00:09:34,250 .. the vision of your love's loveliness 126 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:36,250 ♪ Doo-do-do-do-do 127 00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:40,730 ♪ I hope and I pray 128 00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:42,490 ♪ I hope and I pray that some day 129 00:09:42,530 --> 00:09:47,770 I'll be the vision of your happiness 130 00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,930 ♪ Earth angel, 131 00:09:50,970 --> 00:09:53,450 ..earth angel... 132 00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,250 .. please be mine. 133 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:59,130 ♪ My darling dear... 134 00:09:59,170 --> 00:10:01,170 ..love you all the time 135 00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:05,370 ♪ I'm just a fool 136 00:10:05,410 --> 00:10:07,570 ♪ A... ♪ 137 00:10:07,610 --> 00:10:09,210 CLOCK CHIMES 138 00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:11,250 What are you doing? 139 00:10:11,290 --> 00:10:14,690 Sir, I... Sir? 140 00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,210 Get on with your work! 141 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,730 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. 142 00:10:23,250 --> 00:10:25,850 CLOCK STRIKES > 143 00:10:40,610 --> 00:10:44,090 TAPPING > 144 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,650 Bumholes! 145 00:10:53,690 --> 00:10:56,210 What? What? 146 00:10:56,250 --> 00:11:01,250 Wallace... Sorry. The sound of a human voice startled me. 147 00:11:01,290 --> 00:11:06,250 I think I said "Bumholes". Yes, that was almost certainly it -.. 148 00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,210 ..B-U-M. Bumholes. > 149 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,930 I wish you wouldn't do this, not every five min... 150 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,730 (SNIGGERS) 151 00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,170 Corporal! > 152 00:11:15,210 --> 00:11:16,570 Beg your pardon, sir. 153 00:11:16,610 --> 00:11:20,050 It's that... deuced clock striking 11 like that. 154 00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,370 andIt; What about it? 155 00:11:21,410 --> 00:11:23,130 Oh, chatty, are we? 156 00:11:23,170 --> 00:11:24,410 Actually, no. 157 00:11:24,450 --> 00:11:29,450 Well, I wish it was striking 12, that's all. One more hour on. 158 00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:34,770 Oh, Christ in shitty napkins, what a life! 159 00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,930 (SIGHS) 160 00:11:36,970 --> 00:11:44,450 Nine to five, eh? Stooped over a bloody desk like a bloody box wallah! 161 00:11:45,490 --> 00:11:48,810 That's what I joined the Army for, eh? 162 00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:50,210 Corporal? > 163 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,650 Sir! Some barely-bloody-drinkable. 164 00:11:53,690 --> 00:11:55,090 Hopper. 165 00:11:57,610 --> 00:12:01,250 Corporal. If we've got to put in office hours, 166 00:12:01,290 --> 00:12:07,330 .. we ought not deviate a bloody jot or a tittle from office bloody routine, eh? 167 00:12:07,370 --> 00:12:10,330 Coffee at 11, tea and bickies at 4, 168 00:12:10,370 --> 00:12:12,770 .. and three two-minute wee-wees. 169 00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:13,850 andIt; Wallace! 170 00:12:13,890 --> 00:12:15,130 I know! 171 00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:19,250 Upstairs need that new Battle Order. You know this, yet... 172 00:12:19,290 --> 00:12:20,650 Oh, look here, old thing! 173 00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:25,810 How will we get it out on time if you keep up this non-stop barrage? 174 00:12:25,850 --> 00:12:29,250 Worse than dysentery! Time and place, please! 175 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:34,450 All right, Harry, all right. Let's keep some sense of, um... 176 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:37,850 This place is upsetting the balance of my mind! 177 00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:40,930 I can't even drag up the right word! 178 00:12:40,970 --> 00:12:43,490 Proportion. 179 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,570 What? 180 00:12:44,610 --> 00:12:45,850 The word you want. 181 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,250 Absolutely not! 182 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:50,690 What? Proportion! No, no! 183 00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,170 Oh, please! 184 00:12:52,210 --> 00:12:55,050 Perspective! That's the word! 185 00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:57,450 Yes, Harry, I'm sorry. 186 00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:58,810 Sorry. Sorry. 187 00:12:58,850 --> 00:13:00,730 All I was saying was... 188 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:03,410 No! Was... to keep a sense of... 189 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,890 Perspective? 190 00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:07,570 Propor-tion. 191 00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:10,250 (SNIGGERS) 192 00:13:12,010 --> 00:13:16,690 ♪ THURSTON HARRIS: "LITTLE BITTY PRETTY ONE" 193 00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,410 ♪ (HUMMING) 194 00:13:51,970 --> 00:13:54,010 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 195 00:13:54,050 --> 00:13:56,970 ♪ Come on and talk to me 196 00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,410 ♪ Lovey dovey lovey one 197 00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:02,010 ♪ Come sit down on my knee 198 00:14:14,130 --> 00:14:16,050 ♪ Tell you a story 199 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:19,290 ♪ Hap' a long time ago 200 00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:21,730 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 201 00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,530 ♪ I've been a-watching you grow 202 00:14:36,210 --> 00:14:38,330 ♪ Little bitty pretty one 203 00:14:38,370 --> 00:14:41,450 ♪ Come on and talk to me 204 00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:43,730 ♪ Lovey dovey lovey one 205 00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:46,010 ♪ Come sit on my knee 206 00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:50,490 ♪ (HUMS) 207 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,450 (SNIGGERS) 208 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:11,210 Hopper, where the hell d'you think you are? 209 00:15:11,250 --> 00:15:14,370 I... I'm sorry, sir. 210 00:15:14,410 --> 00:15:18,810 I... swallowed the wrong way. Sorry. 211 00:15:18,850 --> 00:15:20,530 Get back to your desk, man. 212 00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:21,930 Sir! 213 00:15:25,570 --> 00:15:27,130 andIt; Hopper! Sir! 214 00:15:27,170 --> 00:15:29,530 The barely bloody drinkie-winkie? 215 00:15:29,570 --> 00:15:30,970 Sir! 216 00:15:35,130 --> 00:15:37,650 Oh... (SIGHS) 217 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,170 WHISTLES 218 00:15:57,170 --> 00:16:01,410 "Shoot me a slug from the wonderful jug." 219 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:13,610 "The first civil defence exercise pulls them up." 220 00:16:13,650 --> 00:16:16,130 "The streets soon become deserted." 221 00:16:16,170 --> 00:16:18,170 "SIREN" 222 00:16:21,930 --> 00:16:25,250 "Trading on the Stock Exchange stops." 223 00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,170 Pssst! When do you finish? 224 00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:28,690 Why? 225 00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,290 Come on, what's your name? 226 00:16:30,330 --> 00:16:32,890 Why? Everybody's got a name. 227 00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,730 Shhh! 228 00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:43,250 I'll be waiting for you, sweetie-pie. 229 00:16:43,290 --> 00:16:48,930 "I'm unhappy to conclude that the hydrogen bomb should be developed." 230 00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:53,010 "We should not intentionally lose the armaments race." 231 00:16:53,050 --> 00:16:56,810 "To do this will be to lose our liberties." 232 00:16:56,850 --> 00:17:00,130 "With Patrick Henry, I value my liberties more than my life." 233 00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:09,010 MILITARY BAND 234 00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,250 SIGHS 235 00:17:25,610 --> 00:17:31,250 What do they call the little black things between an elephant's toes? 236 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,690 Go on, if we must. 237 00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:34,730 Slow niggers! 238 00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:38,090 Major Hedges! Now, now, Harry. 239 00:17:38,130 --> 00:17:40,290 I've had about enough of... 240 00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:42,370 We're working too hard. 241 00:17:42,410 --> 00:17:47,130 I mean, it's all bullshit, this new Battle Order bumph! 242 00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:52,210 We might as well give them the old one. They fuss too much upstairs. 243 00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:57,210 Christ, the Battle Order doesn't change! Not in three months! 244 00:17:57,250 --> 00:18:00,890 The Russians never do anything different... 245 00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:03,730 Bunkum! Talking through your hat again. 246 00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:08,610 I'm what? They're moving infantry and tanks, fella. 247 00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:12,690 No, no. Not west, not through my section! 248 00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:14,530 South. 249 00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:15,930 What? 250 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:20,330 I've lost nearly all the Eighth tank regiment outside Magnitogorsk. 251 00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:23,970 Yeah, they've gone south. That's my impression. 252 00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:26,250 Some infantry have decamped. 253 00:18:26,290 --> 00:18:28,410 Gone south. 254 00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:30,490 Maybe. 255 00:18:30,530 --> 00:18:34,770 Truck... Have your people got more on this? 256 00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:38,330 You people have about everything my people have. 257 00:18:38,370 --> 00:18:41,370 It's how you read it. 258 00:18:41,410 --> 00:18:46,570 In my opinion - no, in our opinion.. the status of this is hardening. 259 00:18:46,610 --> 00:18:49,530 You can elevate it from surmise. 260 00:18:49,570 --> 00:18:52,210 You can what? 261 00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:56,250 They're moving men and materials south, old bean. 262 00:18:56,290 --> 00:19:00,850 And you'd better believe it. All right, all right, old fruit ... 263 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:03,050 Until we collate these new papers, 264 00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,850 we won't know what the H is going on, will we? 265 00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:08,570 This could be... I-I m-mean the... 266 00:19:08,610 --> 00:19:11,810 .. good Lord, Wallace, the next B war! 267 00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:17,210 SIGHS: So, let's end these disturbances. If you don't mind! 268 00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,450 COUGHS 269 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:34,890 'War, war. Shagging war. I've only got six weeks. Leave me out!' 270 00:19:34,930 --> 00:19:41,530 'Let me go! I'm not joining in. No more shagging war! No!' 271 00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:49,050 CLOCK STRIKES 272 00:19:49,090 --> 00:19:52,090 Quarter past! 273 00:19:56,410 --> 00:19:58,370 Time marches on! 274 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,290 FILM MUSIC 275 00:20:15,930 --> 00:20:17,330 So, here you are. 276 00:20:17,370 --> 00:20:18,610 What d'you mean? 277 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,650 I hear you work Monday and Wednesday 278 00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:24,010 That's my business. 279 00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:26,370 So, what do you do evenings? 280 00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:29,050 Depends. 281 00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:31,330 Ever go down the Palais? 282 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:34,210 Not much. I could take you. 283 00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:37,810 Nah! It wouldn't hurt, would it? 284 00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:40,250 My old man wouldn't like it. 285 00:20:40,290 --> 00:20:41,730 Your dad? 286 00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:43,170 Me husband! 287 00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:47,690 Christ, you've thrown yourself away! 288 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:51,130 And all this time, there was me waiting. 289 00:20:52,610 --> 00:20:54,730 Well, I didn't know, did I? 290 00:20:54,770 --> 00:20:56,450 You do now, don't ya? 291 00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,970 You... but, you've got a minute! 292 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:03,610 What for? 293 00:21:03,650 --> 00:21:05,450 Can do a lot in a minute. 294 00:21:05,490 --> 00:21:07,490 Yeah, a lot of damage. 295 00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:12,530 Come on, then. See you later, alligator. 296 00:21:29,450 --> 00:21:33,810 WELSH ACCENT: 22920071 Private Francis F reporting for duty. 297 00:21:33,850 --> 00:21:36,930 You bleedin' git! 298 00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:39,370 Sir? 299 00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:45,970 Does Private Hopper really look like your new Commanding Officer? 300 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:48,010 I... Oh... 301 00:21:52,370 --> 00:21:54,730 Two two nine two zero zero... 302 00:21:54,770 --> 00:21:57,170 Yes, yes, we've had all that. 303 00:21:57,210 --> 00:22:01,530 One of your shoulders is higher than the other. Sir? 304 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:04,530 Give me you Movement Order, man! 305 00:22:04,570 --> 00:22:06,650 Sir? Are you a cretin? 306 00:22:06,690 --> 00:22:11,210 Of course he is! It must be the new language clerk. 307 00:22:11,250 --> 00:22:14,050 Not likely to read or write, is he? 308 00:22:14,090 --> 00:22:17,930 I hope his Russian is better than his English! 309 00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:21,850 Come on, Movement Order - sharp about it! 310 00:22:21,890 --> 00:22:24,490 S-sorry, s-sir. 311 00:22:24,530 --> 00:22:30,490 Do you stutter? N-n... I mean, no, sir. 312 00:22:30,530 --> 00:22:32,690 Your Movement Order says... 313 00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:36,770 ..to leave Intelligence Corps at Maresfield at 08:00... 314 00:22:36,810 --> 00:22:40,450 .. and report to the War Office at 15:00! 315 00:22:40,490 --> 00:22:43,290 Sir, I... It's way past 1600 hours! 316 00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:47,490 16:21! Well? 317 00:22:47,530 --> 00:22:51,250 I... Sir, I... I'm sorry, sir. 318 00:22:51,290 --> 00:22:53,450 What do you mean, sorry? 319 00:22:53,490 --> 00:22:56,250 I... I was... d-delayed, sir. 320 00:22:56,290 --> 00:23:00,130 What do you mean, delayed? Late on parade, you mean! 321 00:23:00,170 --> 00:23:03,810 Sir, I... Sir! Permission to speak, sir! 322 00:23:04,770 --> 00:23:06,890 SIGHS: Speak. 323 00:23:06,930 --> 00:23:12,450 Sir... I've never been to London before, sir, except to pass through. 324 00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:15,530 I... got... lost, sir. 325 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:20,650 Lost? He's Intelligence Corps. Of course he bloody well got lost! 326 00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,770 Lost in London? Sir. 327 00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:30,930 Good God! You don't have to wet your thumb and hold it in the air! 328 00:23:30,970 --> 00:23:35,370 You've got a tongue! We're in the middle of Whitehall! 329 00:23:35,410 --> 00:23:37,730 I asked a policeman, sir, and he... 330 00:23:37,770 --> 00:23:39,170 You WHAT? 331 00:23:39,210 --> 00:23:44,290 I asked him where Whitehall was, the War Office, sir, and... 332 00:23:44,330 --> 00:23:47,850 Where did this encounter take place? 333 00:23:47,890 --> 00:23:50,850 Trafalgar Square, with the stone lions. 334 00:23:50,890 --> 00:23:54,370 And the sticks with the horse's-head handles! 335 00:23:54,410 --> 00:23:57,130 Half a mo', Wallace. And then? 336 00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,930 He pointed to this big building, and... 337 00:24:00,970 --> 00:24:04,290 Oh, keep still, man! Sir! 338 00:24:04,330 --> 00:24:06,170 Yes! Go on! 339 00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:13,210 It had pillars and steps and... but... it was full of pictures, sir. 340 00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:15,210 Pictures? 341 00:24:15,250 --> 00:24:20,690 By the time I realised it wasn't what the policeman said it was, 342 00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:22,170 National Gallery. 343 00:24:22,210 --> 00:24:26,050 National Gallery! Ooh! National bloody Gallery! 344 00:24:31,690 --> 00:24:34,650 Sir! Permission to speak, sir? 345 00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:36,650 CHUCKLES: Yes, go on! 346 00:24:36,690 --> 00:24:42,610 Would you accept the proposal that I am not as big a fool as I seem, sir? 347 00:24:42,650 --> 00:24:44,970 ALL LAUGH 348 00:24:46,330 --> 00:24:50,570 I suppose I must take note of that, on this occasion! 349 00:24:50,610 --> 00:24:53,690 I hope you will learn that in this office... 350 00:24:53,730 --> 00:24:57,730 .. your opinions are of little or no relevance. 351 00:24:57,770 --> 00:24:58,890 Sir. 352 00:24:58,930 --> 00:25:04,370 None of us is in uniform, but that does not in any way imply derogation 353 00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:07,210 .. from normal Army procedures. 354 00:25:07,250 --> 00:25:10,810 Exactly the opposite! Understand? Yes, sir. 355 00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:14,050 Get your shoulders into alignment! Sir! 356 00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:20,130 If you arrive late again, and if you continue to make an ass of yourself, 357 00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:21,890 .. Corporal, make it clear. 358 00:25:21,930 --> 00:25:23,730 Sir! 359 00:25:28,130 --> 00:25:30,090 Ha-bout... TURN! 360 00:25:37,010 --> 00:25:39,330 SOLDIER! Corporal! 361 00:25:39,370 --> 00:25:42,570 You are a twit! WHAT ARE YOU? 362 00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:45,290 A twit, Corporal! 363 00:25:45,330 --> 00:25:49,130 Now I'm gonna put my dingaling in your ear... 364 00:25:49,170 --> 00:25:53,250 .. AND SHAG SOME SENSE INTO YOU! UNDERSTAND? 365 00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:57,770 Corporal! Right you are, return him to me. 366 00:25:57,810 --> 00:26:00,290 Sir! Ha-bout... TURN! 367 00:26:05,090 --> 00:26:10,570 Let us hope things will improve a bit from now on. Right, now then. 368 00:26:12,690 --> 00:26:15,090 Um... 369 00:26:24,290 --> 00:26:30,290 Er, yes... as I said, none of us in this office is in uniform... 370 00:26:30,330 --> 00:26:37,850 .. for reasons that may become apparent. I'm afraid the same will apply to you. No uniform. 371 00:26:37,890 --> 00:26:43,090 No, sir. Yes, I know, but there it is. You have to wear civilian clothes. 372 00:26:43,130 --> 00:26:44,370 Yes, sir. 373 00:26:44,410 --> 00:26:48,890 Neat and tidy. Collars and ties. No coloured shirts. Plain socks. 374 00:26:48,930 --> 00:26:53,450 Yes, sir. Good. Now, neat and tidy. Neat and tidy. 375 00:26:54,930 --> 00:26:57,770 We're extremely busy this afternoon. 376 00:26:57,810 --> 00:27:02,370 The world doesn't stand still, er, Francis... Understand? 377 00:27:02,410 --> 00:27:04,730 Sir! 378 00:27:04,770 --> 00:27:07,010 Yes... 379 00:27:07,050 --> 00:27:12,770 Perhaps you wanted adventure? Malaya, eh? Or Cyprus? 380 00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:18,570 Or in the, er... forests, teaching the Mau Mau how to behave. 381 00:27:18,610 --> 00:27:22,130 Even more, 382 00:27:22,170 --> 00:27:25,010 .. the Soviet Union, Francis. 383 00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:30,170 Sir? Must be ready for when the bally goes up, eh? Balloon. 384 00:27:30,210 --> 00:27:32,210 Yes, sir. 385 00:27:35,810 --> 00:27:39,290 This... section of Military Intelligence - M.I... 386 00:27:39,330 --> 00:27:45,050 ..(COUGHS) bracket BO bracket - is.. You know what BO means? 387 00:27:50,650 --> 00:27:54,050 Um... it's when you don't... 388 00:27:56,610 --> 00:28:00,090 No, sir. Battle Order. 389 00:28:00,130 --> 00:28:04,970 That of the Red Army. Where they are, where they're going. Got it? 390 00:28:05,010 --> 00:28:10,650 Sir! Now, then. This info comes to us at these desks... 391 00:28:10,690 --> 00:28:16,450 ..by a variety of overt and covert... pretty damned hush-hush... 392 00:28:16,490 --> 00:28:22,490 .. and, er... yes, but I, I won't... yes. 393 00:28:24,450 --> 00:28:26,530 Pretty clear, hmm? 394 00:28:26,570 --> 00:28:28,250 Sir. 395 00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:31,970 You're to be the Russian language clerk... 396 00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:36,090 ..to Major Church, Language Officer. He will explain. 397 00:28:36,130 --> 00:28:39,770 Explicate the inexplicable. 398 00:28:39,810 --> 00:28:44,410 Now, I am Colonel Bernwood. Over there is Major Carter. 399 00:28:44,450 --> 00:28:48,690 That is Major Hedges in the.. hmmm. 400 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:54,130 Now, listen very carefully. See the gentleman sitting over there? 401 00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:57,890 Yes, sir. Well, he is not there. 402 00:29:01,210 --> 00:29:04,810 No, sir. Where is he? 403 00:29:08,690 --> 00:29:12,690 Sir? He's not here! 404 00:29:12,730 --> 00:29:13,770 Sir! 405 00:29:13,810 --> 00:29:19,210 His name - which, of course, you need to know even though he's not... 406 00:29:19,250 --> 00:29:24,530 ..- is Lieutenant Colonel Trekker. From G-2, United States Army, G-2. 407 00:29:25,890 --> 00:29:29,210 Signed the Official Secrets Act? Yes, sir. 408 00:29:29,250 --> 00:29:32,130 Know the consequences of breaking it 409 00:29:33,450 --> 00:29:35,450 Hanging. 410 00:29:35,490 --> 00:29:37,250 Sir? 411 00:29:37,290 --> 00:29:40,010 Don't want to be hanged, do you? 412 00:29:40,050 --> 00:29:42,570 No, sir. 413 00:29:42,610 --> 00:29:48,250 One stray word, one wink across the top of your glass of sherry, 414 00:29:48,290 --> 00:29:52,690 Understand? A nudge is as good as... hmm. 415 00:29:52,730 --> 00:29:58,170 Anywhere outside this room, soldier, anywhere at all is the wrong place. 416 00:29:58,210 --> 00:29:59,450 Is that perfectly clear? 417 00:29:59,490 --> 00:30:01,770 Yes, sir! 418 00:30:01,810 --> 00:30:06,570 Good. Then you won't have to be buried in quicklime. 419 00:30:06,610 --> 00:30:10,610 Now, who is that sitting over there? 420 00:30:12,890 --> 00:30:15,050 Nobody, sir. 421 00:30:15,090 --> 00:30:21,050 Yeah. And that is the first thing to tuck away and keep dark. 422 00:30:21,090 --> 00:30:26,050 The Military Intelligence services of the UK and the US are, 423 00:30:26,090 --> 00:30:30,490 ..to all intents and purposes... Do you understand? 424 00:30:30,530 --> 00:30:32,690 Sir! 425 00:30:32,730 --> 00:30:37,450 Well, I think that covers things... pretty well. 426 00:30:51,130 --> 00:30:56,570 Sir, I... e-excuse m-me, sir. 427 00:30:56,610 --> 00:30:59,250 Get those packs off! 428 00:30:59,290 --> 00:31:02,370 Present your idle self to Major Church! 429 00:31:02,410 --> 00:31:04,890 Sir! Over here. Sharp about it. 430 00:31:06,930 --> 00:31:09,690 Sit down. 431 00:31:10,930 --> 00:31:13,970 CLOCK STRIKES 432 00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:26,330 (GRUNTS) 433 00:31:49,130 --> 00:31:51,130 A gazelle. 434 00:31:52,090 --> 00:31:55,450 Sir? Like a gazelle. 435 00:31:55,490 --> 00:31:56,970 Sir. 436 00:31:59,010 --> 00:32:00,450 Name? Say again. 437 00:32:00,490 --> 00:32:02,650 Francis, sir. Francis F. 438 00:32:02,690 --> 00:32:04,970 What's the F? Francis, sir. 439 00:32:05,010 --> 00:32:07,090 Yes, yes - what's the F? 440 00:32:07,130 --> 00:32:10,130 Francis, sir. Francis Francis. 441 00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:11,610 CHUCKLES 442 00:32:11,650 --> 00:32:14,850 How economical! Well, Francis... 443 00:32:14,890 --> 00:32:21,690 .. when we call you Francis, we mean Francis, not Francis, no familiarity 444 00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:23,570 No, sir. 445 00:32:23,610 --> 00:32:28,810 What was your final mark on the Joint Services Russian course? 446 00:32:28,850 --> 00:32:30,850 92%, sir. 447 00:32:31,930 --> 00:32:34,170 Is that a smirk I detect? 448 00:32:34,210 --> 00:32:36,970 No, sir! Clever Dick, are we? 449 00:32:37,010 --> 00:32:38,970 No, sir! 450 00:32:39,010 --> 00:32:45,810 Mmm, I wonder. Graceful movements, superb brain, an economical name. 451 00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:50,530 Well, let's hear it! 452 00:32:50,570 --> 00:32:54,090 Sir? Your brilliant Russian! 453 00:32:55,330 --> 00:32:58,850 Um... My God. Whiplash Willie! 454 00:32:58,890 --> 00:33:02,890 Ya pomnyu chudnoye mgnovyenye. 455 00:33:02,930 --> 00:33:04,850 What? 456 00:33:04,890 --> 00:33:07,090 I remember a wonderful moment. 457 00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:11,250 Yes, somewhere in the valleys - some Megan or Blodwen, I'll be bound 458 00:33:11,290 --> 00:33:12,530 Pushkin, sir! 459 00:33:12,570 --> 00:33:17,850 Pushkin? What do you think you're talking about, Francis? 460 00:33:17,890 --> 00:33:20,210 Well, sir... 461 00:33:20,250 --> 00:33:22,410 Well, go on. 462 00:33:23,490 --> 00:33:32,450 Pyeredo mnoy yavilas tee kak mimolyotnoye vidyenye... 463 00:33:32,490 --> 00:33:34,210 Er... what? 464 00:33:34,250 --> 00:33:38,210 You stood before me like a momentary vision. 465 00:33:39,490 --> 00:33:41,530 Did I? 466 00:33:41,570 --> 00:33:45,570 Sir. He is remembering the very first time he... 467 00:33:45,610 --> 00:33:46,810 Had a bunk-up? 468 00:33:46,850 --> 00:33:49,690 No, sir! No? 469 00:33:49,730 --> 00:33:51,730 No, sir. 470 00:33:51,770 --> 00:33:57,410 The first time... he met this enchantingly lovely young lady Anna. 471 00:33:57,450 --> 00:34:01,810 Now that he has met her again, his heart is... 472 00:34:03,810 --> 00:34:06,130 Sorry, sir. 473 00:34:06,170 --> 00:34:08,530 Tosh! 474 00:34:08,570 --> 00:34:10,970 Sir. 475 00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:16,850 Caterpillar tracks, Francis. Artillery ranges. Calibrations. 476 00:34:16,890 --> 00:34:19,930 Each sort of shooter. Tanks. 477 00:34:19,970 --> 00:34:24,810 Those are the words you need in this office - military words. 478 00:34:24,850 --> 00:34:27,530 Not... mush. 479 00:34:27,570 --> 00:34:29,570 Yes, sir. 480 00:34:29,610 --> 00:34:33,890 "Enchantingly lovely young lady" - is that what you said? 481 00:34:33,930 --> 00:34:35,610 What's that, Johnny? 482 00:34:35,650 --> 00:34:38,890 Francis - obsessed with pretty young ladies. 483 00:34:38,930 --> 00:34:40,170 But, sir, I... 484 00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:43,010 Jolly good. Nice fluffy things. 485 00:34:43,050 --> 00:34:47,010 If you want to masturbate, do it at lunchtime! 486 00:34:47,050 --> 00:34:49,970 Sir! Permission to speak, sir! 487 00:34:50,010 --> 00:34:54,970 No. Sir, I must p-p-p... Sir, this is not... 488 00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:56,970 Sir. 489 00:34:59,650 --> 00:35:04,490 ♪ Frankie Vaughan: The Garden Of Eden 490 00:35:04,530 --> 00:35:07,330 ♪ When you walk in the garden 491 00:35:07,370 --> 00:35:10,650 ..in the Garden of Eden... 492 00:35:10,690 --> 00:35:13,690 .. with a beautiful woman... 493 00:35:13,730 --> 00:35:16,410 .. and you know how you care ♪ 494 00:35:16,450 --> 00:35:19,450 ♪ And a voice in the garden... 495 00:35:19,490 --> 00:35:22,730 ..in the Garden of Eden... 496 00:35:22,770 --> 00:35:25,650 .. tells you she is forbidden... 497 00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,970 .. can you leave her there? ♪ 498 00:35:29,010 --> 00:35:31,970 ♪ When you're yearning for loving 499 00:35:32,010 --> 00:35:35,290 .. and she touches your hand 500 00:35:35,330 --> 00:35:38,130 .. and your heart starts a-pounding 501 00:35:38,170 --> 00:35:41,250 .. and you're feeling so grand ♪ 502 00:35:41,290 --> 00:35:44,490 ♪ Can you leave her to heaven... 503 00:35:44,530 --> 00:35:47,370 .. and obey the command... 504 00:35:47,410 --> 00:35:50,450 .. can you walk from the garden 505 00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:53,650 .. does your heart understand? ♪ 506 00:35:53,690 --> 00:35:56,730 ♪ When you walk in the garden... 507 00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:00,010 ..in the Garden of Eden... 508 00:36:00,050 --> 00:36:03,010 .. with a beautiful woman... 509 00:36:03,050 --> 00:36:06,210 .. and you know how you care? ♪ 510 00:36:06,250 --> 00:36:09,210 ♪ And a voice in the garden... 511 00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,370 ..in the Garden of Eden... 512 00:36:12,410 --> 00:36:15,610 .. tells you she is forbidden... 513 00:36:15,650 --> 00:36:19,250 .. can you leave her there? ♪ 514 00:36:22,090 --> 00:36:25,890 Have you located a lodging? A place to dream? 515 00:36:25,930 --> 00:36:28,170 Yes, sir. Suitable? 516 00:36:28,210 --> 00:36:32,130 With my relatives in Walham Green. 517 00:36:32,170 --> 00:36:35,210 Walham what? Fulham, sir. 518 00:36:35,250 --> 00:36:38,570 Relatives, you say? My mother's sister, sir. She... 519 00:36:38,610 --> 00:36:40,890 Good. Good, good, good, good, good. 520 00:36:40,930 --> 00:36:42,370 Sir. 521 00:36:42,410 --> 00:36:45,770 This afternoon, take yourself off there -... 522 00:36:45,810 --> 00:36:48,450 .. if you can find it (!) Yes, sir. 523 00:36:48,490 --> 00:36:52,730 Settle in, stow your kit, wash behind your ears, 524 00:36:52,770 --> 00:36:57,410 .. stand close to the razor, forget your Pushkin... 525 00:36:57,450 --> 00:37:05,010 .. and present yourself here in sober clothes at 0850 am, on the bloody dot! 526 00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:08,490 Yes, sir. Then Private Hopper -... 527 00:37:08,530 --> 00:37:13,930 .. who has the misfortune of being demobilised -... Don't smirk! 528 00:37:13,970 --> 00:37:15,170 No, sir. 529 00:37:15,210 --> 00:37:18,970 Where that smirking oaf will begin in his dozy way... 530 00:37:19,010 --> 00:37:23,370 ..to hand over his duties to you. And then, who knows? 531 00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:28,770 You may get a glimmering of what it is we are up to in this little room. 532 00:37:28,810 --> 00:37:31,050 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 533 00:37:31,090 --> 00:37:32,530 Toddle off, then. 534 00:37:32,570 --> 00:37:34,650 Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 535 00:37:40,450 --> 00:37:43,850 You can go and look for it, can't you? 536 00:37:43,890 --> 00:37:45,570 Sir? 537 00:37:45,610 --> 00:37:47,850 That wonderful moment. 538 00:38:06,730 --> 00:38:10,570 See, that's all you do. Good, innit? 539 00:38:10,610 --> 00:38:17,290 I haven't made it up yet, but it's a nice piece of furniture. Had it a long time. 540 00:38:17,330 --> 00:38:19,890 It's... splendid, Aunt Vickie. 541 00:38:21,010 --> 00:38:25,650 It's where your mum and dad started their honeymoon, 542 00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:28,490 .. if that's what you could call it. Really? 543 00:38:28,530 --> 00:38:32,450 It's sagged a bit in the middle ever since! 544 00:38:32,490 --> 00:38:33,970 Should be all right, though. 545 00:38:34,010 --> 00:38:35,570 Yes, thank you. 546 00:38:35,610 --> 00:38:38,490 Nothing wrong with the springs. 547 00:38:38,530 --> 00:38:42,730 Nice Put-U-Up. It's splendid! 548 00:38:42,770 --> 00:38:47,090 You might 'ave been first thought of on this... 549 00:38:47,130 --> 00:38:50,610 If you'll show me where the sheets.. 550 00:38:50,650 --> 00:38:56,770 I wouldn't be surprised if, Jan... No, bit later, but not much! 551 00:38:57,930 --> 00:39:02,610 Still, this is where they had their first go, innit? 552 00:39:02,650 --> 00:39:04,570 As far as we know! 553 00:39:06,730 --> 00:39:11,930 How is your mum, anyway? Buried down there in the back of beyond. 554 00:39:11,970 --> 00:39:15,090 Oh, she's... yeah, she's splendid. 555 00:39:15,130 --> 00:39:17,290 Splen-did. I mean... 556 00:39:17,330 --> 00:39:21,490 My gawd, she's changed, then - must 'ave. 557 00:39:21,530 --> 00:39:23,970 She's very well! 558 00:39:24,010 --> 00:39:29,490 Splendid's what you call an 'otel, innit? At the seaside. 559 00:39:29,530 --> 00:39:35,770 I mean, yeah, she's all right. Well, except for her feet, she says. 560 00:39:35,810 --> 00:39:38,210 Her feet? 561 00:39:38,250 --> 00:39:41,530 When she cut herself on that milk bottle. It... 562 00:39:41,570 --> 00:39:44,290 Milk bottle? I haven't heard of this! 563 00:39:44,330 --> 00:39:46,410 Er... Frank, no! 564 00:39:46,450 --> 00:39:52,770 What? Oh, I remember now! That was months ago, she wrote and said. 565 00:39:52,810 --> 00:39:56,090 Don't slam the door, young woman! 566 00:39:56,130 --> 00:39:57,730 SLAMS And up yours, too! 567 00:39:57,770 --> 00:39:59,850 Noise, noise - you must love it! 568 00:39:59,890 --> 00:40:01,890 Kiss mine! 569 00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:13,890 She shouldn't've gone out in her bare feet. 570 00:40:13,930 --> 00:40:15,730 But that was a long time ago... 571 00:40:15,770 --> 00:40:19,530 Aunt Vickie, who was that? 572 00:40:19,570 --> 00:40:21,250 Who was what? 573 00:40:21,290 --> 00:40:23,130 That... girl. 574 00:40:26,770 --> 00:40:28,770 Aunt Vickie? 575 00:40:32,330 --> 00:40:37,010 She used to be a very good dancer, your mum, very good. 576 00:40:38,130 --> 00:40:44,050 All the blokes standing against the wall, you know, looking and sniffing 577 00:40:44,090 --> 00:40:45,490 Who was that... 578 00:40:45,530 --> 00:40:49,970 All eyes. You know what they're like, young men. 579 00:40:50,010 --> 00:40:53,090 When she was dancing, your mum... 580 00:40:53,130 --> 00:40:58,330 My Gawd! Talk about Grace Kelly and, who's it, Prince... 581 00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:00,090 Aunt Vickie, who was that? 582 00:41:00,130 --> 00:41:03,250 What? That girl! 583 00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:05,330 What girl? 584 00:41:05,370 --> 00:41:10,970 Going up the stairs, just now. The one who... THAT GIRL! 585 00:41:11,010 --> 00:41:13,170 I didn't see nobody. 586 00:41:13,210 --> 00:41:15,010 What? 587 00:41:15,050 --> 00:41:20,850 And even if I did, I don't talk to her. Waste of bloody breath. 588 00:41:22,170 --> 00:41:27,730 But... Might just as well talk to a bitch on heat, the cow! 589 00:41:27,770 --> 00:41:31,890 We don't have nuffink to do with her. Not no more. 590 00:41:31,930 --> 00:41:34,770 But, why? I mean, why? 591 00:41:34,810 --> 00:41:37,850 What d'you mean, "Why"? 592 00:41:37,890 --> 00:41:41,610 Well, I... She lives upstairs, doesn't she? 593 00:41:41,650 --> 00:41:44,250 Why d'you wanna know? 594 00:41:44,290 --> 00:41:46,050 Doesn't she? 595 00:41:46,090 --> 00:41:50,970 Your Uncle Fred won't want you asking about Sylvia. He'll be... 596 00:41:51,010 --> 00:41:53,050 Sylvia! 597 00:41:53,090 --> 00:41:57,050 What? Is-is that her name, then? Sylvia? 598 00:41:57,090 --> 00:41:59,010 Common as muck. 599 00:41:59,050 --> 00:42:01,050 (Sssylviahh!) 600 00:42:02,210 --> 00:42:06,050 What you looking like that for? 601 00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:09,370 Who is Sylvia? What is she? 602 00:42:09,410 --> 00:42:10,850 BUDGIE CHIRPS 603 00:42:10,890 --> 00:42:14,570 Your mum used to look like that... sometimes. 604 00:42:14,610 --> 00:42:16,050 Sorry? Soppy. 605 00:42:16,090 --> 00:42:20,770 What do you mean? And look what happened to her! 606 00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:22,010 Aunt Vickie! 607 00:42:22,050 --> 00:42:28,490 See somebody who takes your fancy, and end up miles from home with a... 608 00:42:31,210 --> 00:42:35,130 Anyway, we don't talk to 'er upstairs. Not no more. 609 00:42:35,170 --> 00:42:37,210 But, why? 610 00:42:41,130 --> 00:42:43,730 Some words you just don't... 611 00:42:43,770 --> 00:42:47,730 .. and your Uncle Fred is a very upright man. 612 00:42:49,570 --> 00:42:55,010 Being neighbours is one thing. We had words, her and me, 613 00:42:55,050 --> 00:43:00,450 .. about the noise... upstairs. Talk about an 'erd of elephants! 614 00:43:00,490 --> 00:43:06,370 We had words, and then she was bloody cheeky to your uncle. 615 00:43:06,410 --> 00:43:08,570 Sauce! 616 00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:10,010 We don't talk now. 617 00:43:11,650 --> 00:43:14,970 But what was it all about? 618 00:43:15,010 --> 00:43:19,370 Anyway, what's all this about our Betty's foot? 619 00:43:19,410 --> 00:43:22,690 Didn't it heal up proper, or what? 620 00:43:26,410 --> 00:43:31,730 I wouldn't pass the time of day with her. And I get on with most. 621 00:43:31,770 --> 00:43:36,210 I bet you're ready for a nice cup of tea, aren't ya? 622 00:43:36,250 --> 00:43:37,810 (I'd to talk to her.) 623 00:43:37,850 --> 00:43:39,810 What's that, Frank? 624 00:43:39,850 --> 00:43:41,930 I... Yeah, cup of tea. 625 00:43:41,970 --> 00:43:44,530 Interested in her, are ya? 626 00:43:44,570 --> 00:43:47,090 No! No, I... I was just... 627 00:43:47,130 --> 00:43:49,250 It's not a good idea. 628 00:43:49,290 --> 00:43:51,650 No, no, no. I, I just... 629 00:43:51,690 --> 00:43:56,290 If she's upstairs and uses the same front door and... 630 00:43:56,330 --> 00:44:00,850 Hard as nails, her bloke. Nasty little bugger, 631 00:44:00,890 --> 00:44:03,050 .. and's a bit of a mystery. 632 00:44:04,370 --> 00:44:05,890 In what way? 633 00:44:05,930 --> 00:44:06,970 He's a spy. 634 00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:11,330 A what? Leastways, that's one of his tales. 635 00:44:11,370 --> 00:44:15,330 I wouldn't tangle with him, not if I was you. 636 00:44:15,370 --> 00:44:17,770 I wasn't proposing to. 637 00:44:19,970 --> 00:44:22,850 CHIRPS 638 00:44:22,890 --> 00:44:25,810 RECORD PLAYS 639 00:44:29,490 --> 00:44:32,730 ♪ Told me you were going out... ♪ 640 00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:34,410 There! You see! 641 00:44:34,450 --> 00:44:38,050 Yeah, but it's a nice song, though, sort of. 642 00:44:41,290 --> 00:44:43,490 ♪ You came back and man oh man... ♪ 643 00:44:45,930 --> 00:44:48,330 KNOCKING 644 00:44:52,450 --> 00:44:54,690 ♪ Lipstick on your collar 645 00:44:58,610 --> 00:45:03,530 ♪ Bet your bottom dollar You and I are through 646 00:45:03,570 --> 00:45:06,330 ♪ Cos lipstick on your collar (HUMS) 647 00:45:08,970 --> 00:45:11,170 BANGING 648 00:45:15,290 --> 00:45:17,490 Oh, shut up! 649 00:46:19,650 --> 00:46:23,410 We shall be glad to have you here, Frank. 650 00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:25,090 SLURPS TEA 651 00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:27,130 Thank you, Uncle Fred. 652 00:46:28,770 --> 00:46:31,690 Bit of educated conversation. 653 00:46:31,730 --> 00:46:34,130 Well, I dunno about that! 654 00:46:35,770 --> 00:46:39,410 It's what I don't get. It's what I miss. 655 00:46:39,450 --> 00:46:41,810 Oh-ho, thanks very much! 656 00:46:43,490 --> 00:46:45,410 See what I mean? 657 00:46:45,450 --> 00:46:47,610 Mmm. 658 00:46:51,330 --> 00:46:56,530 I talk to that bird sometimes. Did you know that, Frank? I talk to... 659 00:46:56,570 --> 00:46:57,810 DOOR SLAMS 660 00:46:57,850 --> 00:47:00,890 Here I am, sweetheart! NORWICH! 661 00:47:01,930 --> 00:47:03,930 SIGHS 662 00:47:05,170 --> 00:47:10,490 Now, why does he do that? Every bloody time he comes home! 663 00:47:10,530 --> 00:47:12,410 It's enough to put you off your tea. 664 00:47:12,450 --> 00:47:14,570 Noisy sods! 665 00:47:14,610 --> 00:47:16,770 Language! 666 00:47:16,810 --> 00:47:21,370 Yeah, well. They should go back there, shouldn't they? 667 00:47:22,530 --> 00:47:24,850 What? Norwich. 668 00:47:24,890 --> 00:47:26,330 SNIGGERS 669 00:47:27,450 --> 00:47:30,170 Frank, what's the... 670 00:47:30,210 --> 00:47:31,290 It's you! 671 00:47:31,330 --> 00:47:34,970 What you say, you daft pudding! 672 00:47:35,010 --> 00:47:36,850 What? 673 00:47:36,890 --> 00:47:39,210 It's dirty, innit? 674 00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:43,730 Dirty? What d'you mean? 675 00:47:43,770 --> 00:47:49,050 "Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home." It's childish, innit? 676 00:47:49,090 --> 00:47:56,730 You hear it in the Army - see it, I mean. N-O-R-W-I-C-H. 677 00:47:56,770 --> 00:48:02,770 Some blokes write it on the envelope when they write... to girlfriends... 678 00:48:02,810 --> 00:48:06,770 ..a-and SWALK - Sealed With A Loving Kiss, or... 679 00:48:06,810 --> 00:48:08,890 That's enough! 680 00:48:08,930 --> 00:48:11,050 Pardon? 681 00:48:15,370 --> 00:48:19,450 I don't want filth with my food, thank you very much! 682 00:48:36,570 --> 00:48:38,570 You are the best, Sylvie. 683 00:48:40,810 --> 00:48:45,370 You are the best-looking bint I've seen all day, Sylvia. 684 00:48:45,410 --> 00:48:48,330 Don't say that! Well, it's true. 685 00:48:48,370 --> 00:48:50,370 Bint! Don't say that! 686 00:48:50,410 --> 00:48:53,010 Ooops. Sor-ry. 687 00:48:57,010 --> 00:48:59,250 What's the matter? I'm not a bint! 688 00:48:59,290 --> 00:49:01,050 No, but what's the matter? 689 00:49:01,090 --> 00:49:03,730 Not now, Peter - you smell of beer. 690 00:49:03,770 --> 00:49:05,970 I've had one pint, just one. 691 00:49:06,010 --> 00:49:08,050 I'm tired, that's all. 692 00:49:10,330 --> 00:49:12,370 Tired! Fed up. 693 00:49:12,410 --> 00:49:17,050 What with? This place, for a start. 694 00:49:17,090 --> 00:49:20,370 Look, I've seen worse! And them downstairs. 695 00:49:20,410 --> 00:49:21,770 They're nothing! 696 00:49:21,810 --> 00:49:23,890 And my job! 697 00:49:23,930 --> 00:49:25,290 It's easy, innit? 698 00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:30,290 Standing with a bloody torch on Saturday night gets on your wick! 699 00:49:30,330 --> 00:49:36,330 Oh, Christ! You're a moaner! And you're getting worse! 700 00:49:36,370 --> 00:49:38,330 The tea. 701 00:49:42,210 --> 00:49:45,010 Are you showing off again, Sylvia? 702 00:49:47,330 --> 00:49:49,130 Sylvia? 703 00:49:53,890 --> 00:49:56,890 When I shaggin' well ask something, 704 00:49:56,930 --> 00:50:01,450 ..you better shaggin' well answer! I'm talking to you! 705 00:50:01,490 --> 00:50:06,170 D'you want your supper or not? Sod the shaggin' supper! 706 00:50:06,210 --> 00:50:08,490 Suits me! Listen here, 707 00:50:08,530 --> 00:50:10,530 You little tart! 708 00:50:12,850 --> 00:50:15,850 You... cheap... little... 709 00:50:29,970 --> 00:50:35,050 Yeah, I must be cheap, cos I got no bleedin' money, 'ave I? 710 00:50:37,410 --> 00:50:41,570 P'raps I'll start charging for it! What d'you think? 711 00:51:00,490 --> 00:51:05,370 "I remember the wonderful moment, 712 00:51:07,890 --> 00:51:12,050 .. when before me first she stood." 713 00:51:25,970 --> 00:51:30,090 You tease! Don't you tease me! Don't tease me, Sylvia! 714 00:51:30,130 --> 00:51:32,370 CRIES 715 00:51:36,730 --> 00:51:39,930 Come on, you tart, now come on! 716 00:51:39,970 --> 00:51:43,290 THUDDING 717 00:51:43,330 --> 00:51:45,330 Get off! 718 00:51:55,970 --> 00:51:59,890 There'll be more where that came from, my girl! 719 00:51:59,930 --> 00:52:01,890 Come 'ere! 720 00:52:01,930 --> 00:52:07,330 Come back, you bitch! Stupid! 721 00:52:07,370 --> 00:52:09,570 No! Don't be so daft! 722 00:52:09,610 --> 00:52:11,890 CRIES 723 00:52:12,970 --> 00:52:15,090 SOBS 724 00:52:29,050 --> 00:52:31,810 Sylvia, for Christ's sake! 725 00:52:31,850 --> 00:52:33,530 You soddin' bully! 726 00:52:33,570 --> 00:52:38,410 Shhh! D'you wanna wake that mad bugger down the stairs? 727 00:52:38,450 --> 00:52:42,570 Hit me again, that's all! Hit me once more... 728 00:52:42,610 --> 00:52:45,210 Oh, come on, chick, come on. 729 00:52:45,250 --> 00:52:47,250 It weren't that hard. ↑ 730 00:52:49,170 --> 00:52:53,570 Hey, come on, chick, come on. I-I didn't mean it like that. 731 00:52:53,610 --> 00:52:56,450 You're a bully, Pete! 732 00:52:56,490 --> 00:53:01,050 Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 733 00:53:01,090 --> 00:53:06,450 Watch that bloody fist of yours, or you'll kill me one day! 734 00:53:06,490 --> 00:53:09,010 But why d'you do it, Pete? Why? 735 00:53:11,450 --> 00:53:13,610 It's cos I love you, that's why. 736 00:53:13,650 --> 00:53:16,930 Funny way of showing it. 737 00:53:16,970 --> 00:53:18,170 Shut up! 738 00:53:18,210 --> 00:53:22,450 Shut up... Shut up. 739 00:53:28,370 --> 00:53:30,450 GROANS 740 00:53:50,250 --> 00:53:52,930 Oh, you bugger! 741 00:53:57,810 --> 00:54:00,170 Yeah! 742 00:54:08,410 --> 00:54:10,650 DOOR SLAMS 743 00:54:24,370 --> 00:54:26,770 THINKS: 'I know that voice!' 744 00:54:29,250 --> 00:54:31,250 SOLDIER! 745 00:54:44,610 --> 00:54:47,610 BED SQUEAKS RHYTHMICALLY 746 00:54:56,450 --> 00:54:58,450 ♪ Frankie Vaughan: Green Door 747 00:55:00,010 --> 00:55:06,650 ♪ Midnight ..one more night without sleepin' 748 00:55:06,690 --> 00:55:13,730 ♪ Watchin' Till the morning comes creepin' 749 00:55:13,770 --> 00:55:15,490 ♪ Green door 750 00:55:15,530 --> 00:55:19,250 ♪ What's that secret you're keepin'? 751 00:55:20,450 --> 00:55:22,330 ♪ There's an old piana 752 00:55:22,370 --> 00:55:23,970 .. and it's playing hot 753 00:55:24,010 --> 00:55:27,490 .. behind the green door ♪ 754 00:55:27,530 --> 00:55:29,370 ♪ Don't know what they're doing 755 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,050 .. but they laugh a lot 756 00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:33,490 .. behind the green door 757 00:55:34,570 --> 00:55:36,410 ♪ Wish they'd let me in 758 00:55:36,450 --> 00:55:40,570 ..so I could find out what's behind the green door! 759 00:55:42,770 --> 00:55:44,210 ♪ Knocked once 760 00:55:44,250 --> 00:55:47,810 .. tried to tell them I've been there 761 00:55:49,570 --> 00:55:51,410 ♪ Door slammed 762 00:55:51,450 --> 00:55:55,010 .. hospitality's thin there 763 00:55:56,850 --> 00:56:02,850 ♪ Wonder Just what's going on in there. ♪